The Rules for Surviving Being Male and Married
1-Don't show previous rules to your wife.
2-In fact, since you broke almost all of them by getting married, put them away someplace dark.
3-Buy the dinner or you'll STOP getting some.
4-Don't play games; women are better at them.
5-Don't even TRY to have the upper hand unless you like the couch.
6-If she's not worth it, then you're an idiot.
7-The sex gets better.
8-The sex gets weirder.
9-Say 'Hi' to her sister for me.
10-Buy a lot of codeine just in case she 'has a headache.'
11-Don't wife swap; she may never swap back.
12-'Do whatever you like' ACTUALLY means do what she says.
13-Hide your comic books or you'll find them on the curb on trash day.
14-Forget Spades, DragonMaster, and Samba; you now play only Bridge.
15-Find married friends you like better than us and DIE!
16-Smile, even if:
a-The curtains she picked are green and red plaid.
b-The dinner isn't fit to feed to a dog you hate.
c-She gives you ANOTHER neon green tie.
d-You forgot an anniversary, birthday, etc.
e-She wants to watch Dirty Dancing AGAIN.
17-Get some, get some, and get some more.
18-Go gun happy, fuck em.